A personal account by Marcela Gómez. Editing and publication: Ancestrina.
Rapé came into my life at a time when I felt life was slipping away from me.
I had already spent many years searching, studying and working on myself. I had practised Vipassana, mindfulness and MBSR, taken courses in compassion and happiness at Stanford University and Berkeley, and read a great deal. I had many tools. But suddenly life pulled the ground out from under me, and I felt that none of them was enough for what I was going through.
In 2021, still during the pandemic, my dad—who was my king, my emotional, spiritual and financial support—was diagnosed with a terminal illness. At the same time, I was beginning to understand something I had long avoided facing: I was in a deeply unhappy marriage. My marriage was going nowhere, and I had two very young children.
I felt profoundly confused and lost.
Some time earlier, in 2019, someone had given me How to Change Your Mind, by Michael Pollan. That book opened up a world I had not even known existed. I began reading everything I could find about ancestral medicines and psychedelics.
Looking back, I think my view was quite romantic. I had read a lot about wonderful, transformative experiences, including those of people with cancer. When my dad became ill, the first thing I wanted was to find something that might help him.
His health deteriorated too quickly, and I understood that it would not be possible.
Then I began searching for myself.
Without really knowing very much, I went to a place I had found on Instagram. I did not even check credentials. Today, after everything I have learned and the years I have spent working with these medicines, I recognise that doing it that way was quite irresponsible. But at that moment I did not have the knowledge I have now. I had read a great deal about everything that could go well and very little about what could go wrong.
During that experience, I was offered rapé.
I did not even know what it was. They told me about different kinds of rapé, and I heard the words cacao and joy. I thought, “That is exactly what I need.”
And I accepted.
My first encounter with rapé was intense. For me, the act of blowing it also involves an exchange of energy, and I felt the energy of the person who administered it very strongly. For a few minutes I felt unwell: my blood pressure dropped a little, and I felt nauseous.
But when the discomfort passed, I thought: what a beautiful medicine.
So much so that I took a photo of the jar.
When I got home, I searched online for the name on it: Ancestrina.
That is how I met Víctor.
At first, we spoke by chat. From the beginning, he was very open with me. He asked me questions, explained many things I did not know, and began supporting me. Over time, he became an enormously important guide on my path with rapé and ancestral medicines.
In rapé, I found a sense of centre, strength and clarity. It supported me as I went through some of the most difficult moments of my life.
But it did not make my reality disappear.
My dad remained ill, and I had to face his death. Receiving rapé did not fix my marriage. I had to face my life, make difficult decisions, go to therapy, feel a great deal, and take responsibility for changing what I could no longer keep sustaining.
That distinction matters to me.
Rapé did not come to live my life for me.
Many times, it helped me return to myself so that I could live it. It gave me a sense of centre as I moved through grief and helped me let go when I needed to move forward.
And that is still what it represents today.
Life has its rhythms, its highs and its lows. There are times when we gain and times when we lose. Moments of immense joy and others of uncertainty, sadness, fear or exhaustion.
Rapé accompanies me through all of them.
When there is too much noise inside me, it helps me return to silence. When I am scattered, it helps me centre myself. When I am going through something difficult, it brings me calm. When I am trying to control too much, it helps me let go.
And, above all, it allows me to connect with the wisdom within me.
I do not always find an answer. Sometimes I simply find silence, presence, a deeper breath, and the possibility of being with what is there without having to resolve it immediately.
Over the years, my relationship with rapé has also changed. I no longer see it through that initial fascination, nor do I expect a medicine to do the work that is mine to do.
I experience it as an ally.
A medicine that reminds me to return to my body, to the present, to my centre, and to the part of me that knows, even when my mind does not yet understand.
Looking back, it still moves me to think that the first jar I photographed ended up bringing me to Ancestrina.
I was looking for something that could help support me when I felt my life was falling apart. I never imagined that this path would also transform the way I live, become part of my purpose, and lead me to support others.
Sometimes I think I found rapé.
And other times, I feel that rapé found me.
Today, I continue to work with rapé regularly. It accompanies me in my day-to-day life and when I am facing a problem. In those moments, it helps me return to myself and find a way through what I am experiencing.
And there is something I especially value: in my experience, it helps me sleep. That is another reason it remains an ally in my everyday life, as well as accompanying me through difficult moments.
